Post by Penelope on Aug 3, 2014 19:18:25 GMT -5
Ok, so have you ever thought how boring and sad news shows are? Well they are, so I decided to spruce it up.
It all started when I let myself in to my good friend's apartment. By let myself in, I mean I picked the lock, and by good friend, I mean total stranger. But, that is all besides the point. So I go into this girl's house and I start screaming something like, "Oh my god, wake up wake up. It's happening. Hurry! They're coming! We have to go! Ahhh!" My throat still hurts, but the look on her face. This crazy girl wakes up screaming and runs out of the apartment. Leaves her keys and everything behind, loser.
So since my friend left for some type of emergency, I decided to be kind and house sit for her. Of course I went through everything to make sure it was all there and I took some of the best stuff and hid it in my purse. I'm a great friend. Well after all that happened, I got bored and decided I was going to watch expensive movies on her t.v. that I could just go rent out of RedBox. I turn on the t.v. and the news comes on and all I hear is blah blah blah lost person found blah blah blah something else sad.
These people needed a major pick me up and I'm just the girl to do it.
Slipping into one of my many fabulous outfits, it was a dress made of leather and zippers that didn't really lead to pockets. Tragic, but still fabulous. So I walk into this news place and everyone is looking at me like who is this, so I do what any sane girl would do. I start throwing things and just screaming.
If they weren't looking at me before, they were now. I'm sure they were admiring my dress. I had to get them out of the fantasy of owning what was mine, had to shock them into reality.
"What is this? You call this news?!"
Then this one woman, I decided to call her Bertha. Stupid Bertha, gives me this look, like the look. She totally wants me, she's threatened. Well Bertha, says "Who are you?"
"I'm your boss and you are fired, bye Bertha!"
Bertha was so shocked and tried to lie and say her name was something like Susan, but I wasn't having any of that so I charmed spoke the security guards into escorting her out. Teach her to lie again.
"Anymore questions?"
Everyone stared in awkward silence, I have them in the palm of my hand.
"No? Good! So it is about time we stray from the other news teams. Now everyone tell me what I am drawing!"
Walking over to one of the walls, I pulled a sharpie out of my purse and started to draw on said wall. Then this guy I'm going to call Sponge Bob because his face was full of craters decided to chime in.
"It looks like..umm...a smiley face."
"Ehh wrong SquarePants, it's a smile face. SECURITY!"
Silly man, addressing me without bowing. So Security escorted him out, and I got it down to business.
"This smiley face is what our news should be about. I want stories about ponies, cupcakes, me and Jake Gyllenhal getting married!"
"Are you even marrying Jake?"
"SECURITY! I don't pay you guys to ask questions! Now get to work!"
So we get to work and we spend a week on all of these stories. I even put in the effort to photoshop pictures of me and Jake in a wedding.
So we are airing the show, and that's when the CEO of the News Network came in and he's talking all this stuff about how I don't even work here, I'm only sixteen and I can't fire people. And really all I'm hearing is how he eats Mcdonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then I realize, it really took them a whole week to figure out that a sixteen year old was bossing them around and I didn't even charm speak most of them. I rock. So with a smile I blow them all kisses, except for Mcdonalds Guy, he didn't need kisses, he needed a diet. And with that I walked up out of there. Then i set it on fire. Yep, I pulled out some gasoline and a couple different matches and burned it down. Teaches them for firing me.
And that's how my day went. It was pretty uneventful.
~Sadie Jo
It all started when I let myself in to my good friend's apartment. By let myself in, I mean I picked the lock, and by good friend, I mean total stranger. But, that is all besides the point. So I go into this girl's house and I start screaming something like, "Oh my god, wake up wake up. It's happening. Hurry! They're coming! We have to go! Ahhh!" My throat still hurts, but the look on her face. This crazy girl wakes up screaming and runs out of the apartment. Leaves her keys and everything behind, loser.
So since my friend left for some type of emergency, I decided to be kind and house sit for her. Of course I went through everything to make sure it was all there and I took some of the best stuff and hid it in my purse. I'm a great friend. Well after all that happened, I got bored and decided I was going to watch expensive movies on her t.v. that I could just go rent out of RedBox. I turn on the t.v. and the news comes on and all I hear is blah blah blah lost person found blah blah blah something else sad.
These people needed a major pick me up and I'm just the girl to do it.
Slipping into one of my many fabulous outfits, it was a dress made of leather and zippers that didn't really lead to pockets. Tragic, but still fabulous. So I walk into this news place and everyone is looking at me like who is this, so I do what any sane girl would do. I start throwing things and just screaming.
If they weren't looking at me before, they were now. I'm sure they were admiring my dress. I had to get them out of the fantasy of owning what was mine, had to shock them into reality.
"What is this? You call this news?!"
Then this one woman, I decided to call her Bertha. Stupid Bertha, gives me this look, like the look. She totally wants me, she's threatened. Well Bertha, says "Who are you?"
"I'm your boss and you are fired, bye Bertha!"
Bertha was so shocked and tried to lie and say her name was something like Susan, but I wasn't having any of that so I charmed spoke the security guards into escorting her out. Teach her to lie again.
"Anymore questions?"
Everyone stared in awkward silence, I have them in the palm of my hand.
"No? Good! So it is about time we stray from the other news teams. Now everyone tell me what I am drawing!"
Walking over to one of the walls, I pulled a sharpie out of my purse and started to draw on said wall. Then this guy I'm going to call Sponge Bob because his face was full of craters decided to chime in.
"It looks like..umm...a smiley face."
"Ehh wrong SquarePants, it's a smile face. SECURITY!"
Silly man, addressing me without bowing. So Security escorted him out, and I got it down to business.
"This smiley face is what our news should be about. I want stories about ponies, cupcakes, me and Jake Gyllenhal getting married!"
"Are you even marrying Jake?"
"SECURITY! I don't pay you guys to ask questions! Now get to work!"
So we get to work and we spend a week on all of these stories. I even put in the effort to photoshop pictures of me and Jake in a wedding.
So we are airing the show, and that's when the CEO of the News Network came in and he's talking all this stuff about how I don't even work here, I'm only sixteen and I can't fire people. And really all I'm hearing is how he eats Mcdonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then I realize, it really took them a whole week to figure out that a sixteen year old was bossing them around and I didn't even charm speak most of them. I rock. So with a smile I blow them all kisses, except for Mcdonalds Guy, he didn't need kisses, he needed a diet. And with that I walked up out of there. Then i set it on fire. Yep, I pulled out some gasoline and a couple different matches and burned it down. Teaches them for firing me.
And that's how my day went. It was pretty uneventful.
~Sadie Jo
